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30 Days of Douleur Posted by Charlotte Douleur of London, United Kingdom |
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Hello there! Mistress asked me to write about my experience of being locked up for her for 30 days. Mistress also knows I enjoy writing and can be rather verbose, so it was a good call on her part. I'm going to attempt to discuss several aspects to hopefully help others who try the same journey.
To start, the experience starts long before I had ever contacted Mistress in the first place. I had discovered chastity play years ago and had fiddled around with some self-locking just to see what it was like. At this stage, I was looking at cheaper cages that were either ill-fitting or broke after not much wear. The idea of doing extended stints locked up did intrigue me, though, so I persisted in researching the topic and others shared experiences. I don't want to give away a lot of personal details, but part of the reason it appealed to me is, in part, because I'm not the youngest man out there any longer, and I've had plenty of experience in vanilla relationships and sex. Like many people, I was looking to stretch my experience.
As Locktober approached, I decided I wanted to dive in and see what happened. The first step was getting a quality device, so I did plenty of reading before landing on one. I personally prefer plastic/resin cages that remove all stimulation as opposed to metal cages that allow for the skin to be touched. The one I landed on is a solid piece with no seams that crack easily, which is a common issue with cheap plastic cages that split after extended wear. I tried it out off and on for a couple weeks to make sure I was comfortable with the cage.
The next step was to reach out to Mistress. I had done some research on various potential keyholders and when I discovered the House of Douleur website, it struck me as having a vibe I would connect with. Choosing a keyholder or mistress is much like choosing a doctor or therapist. While the basics are common, the style and approach can vary widely. We each have to choose a person who we think will fit with us and then take it one step at a time. One very important note that I have seen many dommes post about now is a seemingly simple one, but many subs mess up - FOLLOW THEIR DIRECTIONS! Mistress made it clear she wanted to be contacted via her website in a meaningful and polite tone. Which is exactly the kind of way I want to communicate with someone.
Fourtunately, Mistress found my approach to be acceptable and sent me information on being my keyholder for Locktober, as well as offering to help me with training leading up to October 1st. When we started, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect and I had many questions for Mistress I wanted to ask. However, one thing I realized is that, if I am truly going to embrace being a sub, I must trust and accept what Mistress says. So I took the leap. I signed up for a long distance keyholding situation. Did I mention I am in Texas?
Mistress quickly started with instructions on how to handle my keys and expectations going forward. We also had some conversations about ourselves and our approach that helped build a connection and an understanding. It truly is amazing how much space a ten minute conversation can cover when both people involved are being completely honest and open. Things were going well. So well, in fact, that we agreed to start Locktober early, in the middle of September. Why not, right?
About a week in was a real watershed moment for me in this experience. I was having chafing issues, and as someone who is physically active and exercises a lot, this is a big problem. My exercise is very important to my mental well being as much as my physical. When I expressed this to Mistress, her response was to help me find a solution that would heal me and prevent future issues. At this point I began to really understand how much I could trust Mistress. I wasn't just there to be her plaything, she recognizes I'm a human who needs basic respect and care. That was extremely important to me. It was in this moment where my mindset shifted to a different space. I felt I could truly submit and let Mistress take control without fear. I felt respected for who I am in my desired role, and I felt heard as a person. It was a powerful moment and it made chastity much easier.
I want to point out here, if you're someone exploring looking for a domme yourself, you must realize that the above is a two way street. Dommes are humans, too. While you have a professional relationship with them, they are human adults with their own lives, needs, and other clients. If you do not respect that, I believe you are doing it wrong as a sub. Much like other professional relationships, if there's a true emergency they will have a way to assist you. However, if the "emergency" is that you are erect in your cage and just want some dirty talk in the middle of their dinner party, you likely will be told to pound sand, if not ignored entirely. And you'll deserve it.
Wait, all these words and I haven't even talked about the physical part, have I? Early on, I was in a constant state of semi-arousal. The cage does that to you, reminding you of your sexual being and your helplessness to do anything about it constantly. The so-called morning wood? Yeah, those are a thing and early on they hurt, a LOT. You're just not used to them, and it is a heck of an experience. Of course, there's the day time horniness that kicks in every so often, sometimes making meetings a little awkward at work. It was all relatively manageable, though. Then somewhere around day 18 I had a day where I woke up out of my mind horny, I had never experienced anything like it before. My head was swimming. In hindsight, it makes sense! Had I ever gone that long without at least masturbating? Nope! After that, things calmed down again, but I have had a couple other head-swimming days already. Fortunately, I am adjusting to them. My overnight erections are a thing I actually look forward to now. I wake up and experience tremendous feelings, but I take a few deep breaths, relax, and get back to sleep.
Many moons ago I started learning Zen philosophy. The biggest guiding rule I learned was to exist in the moment and let go of expectations. Turns out that was very helpful for being in chastity. I quickly adjusted to learning to just let moments happen and experience them as they are. Instead of straining against my cage and desperately wanting to pleasure myself, I focused on the sensations I was feeling and the emotions that came along with them and let them take their course. I learned to appreciate them for what they are, not what I wanted them to be.
Important to all of this, was my understanding that I was serving Mistress and giving her pleasure by being in this role, and that was all I needed to make it easier to continue to submit. Now that I knew I could trust Mistress, doing as she said and being locked up almost became second nature. My pleasure and desire is irrelevant, my role is to serve Mistress. Doing what she sees fit to tell me to do is what brings me pleasure. It's what some might call a positive circle.
The trust became so strong that I have even booked a trip to London, where I will certainly visit Mistress. She has promised to reward me by.... keeping me locked until then. If you're reading this and think that isn't exactly a reward, I can assure you it is for me. The experience has been unlike anything else just 30 days in, and I look forward to the next 30 with great anticipation.
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